Category Archives: musings

bright week & birthdays

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There are times – lately, more often than not – when I think about how nice it will be to live on my own. No one else to clean up after, no other people in my space and in my face, and no containing myself to one little place where I am quiet and still. The weather has been doing it’s very best impression of the Pacific Northwest for about six months now, and I know that’s not helping. But lets be honest: I’m an introvert and an adult, and the nest is feeling a little small these days.

But then there are times – lately – when I find myself surrounded by five of the most awesome people I know. When we’re staying up late to talk about our lives, our future spouses, our hypothetical children. When we’re laughing over dinner, or revealing our craziest childhood memories and stories, or just collectively enjoying a relaxing evening with our new favorite show. There are those times when I realize that I am so lucky to have a family that I adore and want to spend time with, no matter how much they drive me crazy, I just love being with them.

My siblings were awesome kids, and they’re going to make fantastic adults. My parents are just cool. Seriously. And they’ve only gotten cooler the more I’ve grown up and gotten to know them. I’m not scared of things changing because I know that all of these changes are going to be good. The future is awesome…and I need to remember that when the present starts to bog me down.

These crazy people rock my world.

 

Mom & Hannah

Stephen & Lexi

Stephen, Hannah & Dad

change of seasons

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We’re making bell pepper bruschetta for dinner, because Lent is here, and vegetables have regained some of their appeal.

 

I have the kitchen window open, just a crack, to dissipate the sticky sweet smoke of roasting bell peppers. The cold fresh air sends a shiver of excitement through the cats. It smells new. They can sense it.

 

The sunset tonight looks different than winter sunsets, free from the covering of gray clouds which diffuses the light.

 

And, appropriately enough, this is the song that’s stuck in my head.

hiding out

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It’s been quiet here on the blog.

I’m in the middle of a deep dark winter, both literally and figuratively, and I’ll be honest: my emotional resources are limited.

For that reason, I’m not writing as much. I’m not as active on Facebook. I’m not stretching myself any further than I think I can handle.

I do plan to write more about Orthodoxy (that is, when I’m less concerned about spewing melancholy all over teh interwebs).

I haven’t forgotten about my movie recommendations, but I haven’t really had the emotional energy for movies.

I’m just trying to recognize and respect my own limits. As I wrote in a letter to a friend, things are good – my perception is skewed.

Winter does not last forever. In the interim I’ll just be here. Quietly waiting for spring.


honesty

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Because I am more than a little tired of S.A.D. kicking my butt every winter. It’s been very cold and very dark lately; it hasn’t really snowed yet, but I had a dream that it had snowed and I kind of wanted to cry. I think that if I walked outside right now and felt sunshine on my face I would cry. From happiness.

Working extra hours on third shift hasn’t made things easier, and tonight Stephen asked my why I was working so often. “Because I need the money,” I said. ”I need the money so that I can get out of here. Because I love y’all, but I just can’t take this winter anymore.” Sometimes I think the knowledge that I won’t have to do this again next year is the only thing getting me through.

That, and my sun lamp.