Mom took Papa with her to the grocery store today. He did fairly well, but on the way home he said, “What if I got a bike and rode it down to Georgetown?” “Dad, that’s crazy. I’m not even going to answer that because it’s never going to happen.” Mom and Papa have an interesting dynamic: she can be more blunt with him than any other family member, and he gives her flack that he wouldn’t give to the rest of us.
“Well,” he said, “I’m going to buy a car and I’m going to drive down.” “Fine, Dad, you do that. And you’ll get arrested and put in a nursing home with all the other Alzheimer’s patients.” *pause* “That went in one ear and out the other.” “Sure, Dad…okay.”
“Does it bother you when I share stuff about Pop?” she asks me. Not really, I reply.
In the movies, aging parents and grandparents with dementia are sweet, doddering old folks that shuffle around aimlessly and never remember your name. In the real world there’s fear and there’s anger. How else would someone respond to losing their home, their independence, and their very grip on reality?
“He has the potential,” Mom says, “To be one of those kind, gentle old folks. But he’s not ready to accept the fact that this is the way things are. He’ll come around in time.”
:(
Such beauty to this, and that picture. Thank you for sharing this.
Also, when I was working in the bookstore a few years ago, a book came out written by a man with Alzheimers. From what I heard, it was a wonderful book, a sort of journal of life. If I remember the name, I’ll share it with you.
I can’t imagine how hard it is to live with your Pop and see him age like this. :-(
you have such a beautiful way of writing about Papa and your experiences with him Emily. I’ve never been close to someone with Alzheimer’s. I made a movie about Moon Pies and interviewed the son of the Moon Pie’s inventor and he had Alzeheimer’s but did pretty well recounting his dad for me. He was an awesome guy, funny as all get out and so sweet. Though it broke my heart to see him lose himself like that, I thought it was touching that one of the memories he repeated over and over and over (because he’d forgotten he told it already) was how he met and fell in love with his wife. I’m glad for him that he was able to hold on to that memory for so long and that it meant so much to him
I love that pic too, definitely worth a thousand words
thats really sweet that he held on to some of those good memories.
my grandma is so far gone with alzeheimer’s, she doesnt remember anything really. she wonders where her husband is (he’s been dead over 18 years), and she curses a lot (she never used to curse). it’s so sad :-(
I hear about that a lot, the cursing thing. Jon’s grandmom has alzeheimer’s too and she curses everything and everybody. Jon said she used to be really sweet and quiet. Weird that that’s what the brain hangs on to or rather, discovers, isn’t it?
That is such a lovely photo. I’m so proud of you for being really honest about how this is affecting you. Prayers and love to you and your papa. :)
*Hugs*
I love that photo…what a sweet looking old man. :-)