I have just over a week left of school.
Its craziness, I tell you.
Next week I have final exams: Chemistry on Monday, Calculus on Tuesday, Biology Lab on Thursday, and Biology on Friday. And would you look at that – I don’t have school on Wednesday. Which means I can either a) party, or b) collapse into a quivering heap (a third option, c) study, had occurred to me as well)
At some point I also need to revise my Biology paper, which I did surprisingly well on the first time around, but I know I should make some improvements. That’s due next Friday.
And then it’s over. 100%. Done. Living for the moment, and when you find that the moment’s nearly here, there’s this sudden moment of panic because in your mind that moment is always just out of your grasp, and that’s what keeps you going. The whole donkey/carrot thing.
I’ve switched my major over to ‘temporarily undeclared’. I haven’t actually signed up for classes yet, I’ve been too caught up in this semester to even start thinking about the next one. Biology is taking over my brain.
As I was making cat food yesterday, I actually began wondering what kind of valves and chambers a chicken’s heart has (simpler and smaller than our own, as it turns out). Then I thought, why on earth would you want to know that?
My dad might look at that and say, See, you love this Biology stuff! (my dad is, of course, entirely supportive and entirely awesome, and often points out what he sees as my gifts and my passions. I love him to death for it.)
I do love Biology, and yet I don’t. Sure, I enjoy learning about the anatomy of a chicken heart, and the role of fungi in plant growth, and that the entire landmass of Earth could be outlined in nematodes. But I’m also fascinated by the history of hip-hop, the political culture of Nepal, and climate change and economics in the Andes. I want to have a wide breadth of knowledge, and told Dad recently that I wished they had a degree in trivia.
He had said to me a few weeks ago, “You’re 21. You have to be passionate about something.” Well, I am. Theosis, for one. Serving God. Serving my family. Taking care of my animals. Reducing my ecological footprint. In the academic sphere of things, I love to learn. I really, really do. I’m always on the lookout for new information and ideas – it’s something I get excited about.
But you know what’s been on my mind as I approach the start of summer break: Man, I can’t wait to get out of school, and then I’ll start to learn stuff. My reading list is a mile long (and growing). I haven’t had much time for casual reading this semester, and the books are calling to me, with their knowledge, their perspectives, their escape.
I want to get out and explore the local area. Find new places. Spend time outside. Take more photographs.
I think this happens every semester, the burn-out towards the end. It’s really just the desire to escape from yet another week in the books preparing for yet another week of grueling exams. I want out, and I want out now.
Come fall, I’ll be excited about this school stuff again.
Right now, I need to finish my Biology lab.
I totally know what you mean. And I think it’s the same with everything. I remember being in High School and thinking “I can’t wait to get out of here and go to college and really start my life,” and now i’m thinking the same thing in College. Or durring the middle of the summer when I start to think about school and being scholarly and reading and writing papers and doing research I get a little exicted, but once I’m there I want out. It drives me crazy that I can never just be. I just want to be happy where I am and not be longing for something more. And there’s so many things to think about like “what you’re good at may not be what you’re called to do,” Or “what you’re love to do can sometimes be what’s hardest (like teaching for example). But ya. And I totally agree about the whole trivia degree, that would be PERFECT for you. lol. But before my international relations class, the whole idea of it sounded great but once I was there learning the material I was like ok DULL. lol Life will never be easy…. I love you! Can’t wait to see you ASAP!
Hang in there, Emily! I know you can do it. I went through the same thing on my academic journey toward getting my degree in BioMed Electronics. Argh! the labs! the trig! the calculus! the papers! the programming! the design project! I still cringe thinking about some of it. But I surprised myself and got through it. Did rather well, too. :)
You will do well. I know it, and i’m usually right about these things. ;) Your passion and your faith will carry you through, whatever you choose.